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pamandvix@pamandvix.com

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Risky Business

Taking risks in life doesn’t come naturally to most of us. It is so easy to tread on the path you know rather than one that you don’t. With thoughts of next steps for both pam and vix on my mind, I read an article in the New York Times this weekend which gave excerpts from college graduation speeches across the country. One of the commencement speakers quoted a Buddhist koan which was paraphrased to state “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

Fresh opportunities are constantly put on our path. Whether it is to make a new friend, move to a different city, or begin a competitive graduate program at age 40-something. These can be scary leaps to take. There is no guarantee that any new endeavor will be successful. I have attempted to run with a few different entrepreneurial ideas over the past few years and have not succeeded. It is awful to fail.

But there is a lesson here and the clichés are many when it comes to trying and trying again until you succeed. We want our kids to be risk takers—whether it is trying out for the school soccer team, the camp play or running for class president; if they are passionate about it, they should go for it. We have dried many tears over the “failures” but out of these experiences, something new emerges: a resilience to dust off and try something different. That teacher from the Buddhist koan can and will appear to lead us in a new direction—as long as we are receptive and open to it.

Kids watch whatever we do and whether we want them to or not, they model their behavior after ours. If we don’t take risks, they may not either. If they don’t see how we react to “failure”, they won’t have a role model for trying and failing and trying again.

Keep yourself open to opportunities that come your way. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results if you take a risk.

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Camp Send-Off Tips

A good friend of mine calls the weeks or days between the end of school and camp departure, “lockdown.” It is an invariable frenzy of last licks and love before our children venture into their version of the wilderness and it is often rife with sensitivity, sentimentality and fear. Counterintuitively, the child going to camp for the first time often shows little trepidation, because they have no context for an extended time period away. Both they and veterans of the experience are, however, vulnerable to separation anxiety and homesickness. If you are the first time parent of a sleep away camper, your son or daughter’s homesickness will not feel like the imprimatur of your good parenting and confirmation of their unbridled love, but rather a wrenching heartache frosted with guilt.

Here are some coping suggestions:

Send a letter one week prior to camp to ensure it is waiting for them when they arrive; make it cheerful and positive, focusing on their growth during the past year and your confidence in their ability to flourish. A soppy, gooey tearjerker is not helpful. If you have a child at home be mindful in later letters not to disclose how fabulous their sibling’s summer is, regardless of whether camp turns out to be nirvana. Even the most adapted and independent kid struggles to keep their s—t together. Buy postcards, they’re fun and only allow for short missives.

Pack a surprise gift in their camp duffel to entice distraction as well as elicit a chuckle.

You may receive letters that handicap your intervention impulses, but do not give in. Often, by the time a letter arrives home the issue or dispute is resolved. Remember that you sent them to camp to learn to acclimate and navigate situations for themselves.

Feel free to call the camp director with any concerns, but lose your entitled, imperious tone before speaking. This person is your biggest ally.

Try to enjoy your time off duty. Camp is a place where kids can construct an alternate self and grow freely; it is a gift. Though occasionally painful at points, they are usually temporary and a little pain can lead to a big gain.

Happy summer!

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